Barely Holden On

Homesickness. It manifests itself in dissatisfaction with my Starbucks order. My latte isn’t hot enough to burn my tongue – a sure thing in the USA. I don’t even like burning my tongue; it’s a lousy feeling. Yet here I am, with a reasonably temperatured coffee beverage – homesick as hell.

Why do I even go to Starbucks? I worked for one week at Sbux Corporate in Seattle and I quit. People say the coffee is lousy too. What really knocks me out is how comforting the logo is. That green circle, with the mermaid who smiles at me as if to say, ‘its ok, you’re not alone, I’m here too.” That kills me.

See that’s the worst part about being homesick. Feeling alone. The thing is, I’m not usually alone when I feel alone. It’s when I’m at a dinner party but I can’t understand a single word. It is when I’m walking down a crowded street knowing I’ll never see a familiar face. It is when I’m curled up in an overstuffed generic chair at Starbucks, contemplating taking back my drink and asking them to heat it up. I’m not kidding, I really just might!

I didn’t expect moving abroad to be easy, but until now, it had been. But now it is winter, I’m underpaid and overworked, my health is suffering and all my friends are going back home. I can’t help but think about the things I’m missing – my little sister’s high school graduation, hot Boise summers, Seattle sunsets…my friends…my family …

I’m blue as hell if you really want to know. Why do I drink lattes anyway?

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About MyBeautifulAir

Wherever I go, there I am.
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4 Responses to Barely Holden On

  1. Tia says:

    Vini, what a great blog! You should definitely use this as a resume piece in your quest to become a famous travel journalist (remembering to bring your Tia with you on all fun adventures). We miss you terribly, but this too will pass. When you start missing Starbucks, it’s bad! Just remember it’s raining here for the 4th day so it might as well be winter. The store is coming along, but I need your eye. Hey, I bought a litho by Harold Altman at an auction. It’s called Mother and Child and I think it”s in a park in Paris. Know anything about him? I really like it, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to sell it!
    Miss you and can’t wait to read more.

  2. Mom says:

    Oh Vini we miss you too ~
    I’m pretty sure that you would be glad you missed Liz’s graduation though…

  3. Liz says:

    Why would she be glad about that?

  4. Amy says:

    May I just say I love the Catcher in the Rye reference. That kills me. It really does if you really want to know.

    I lived in Ecuador for a couple of years and understand about homesickness. You’re right that the loneliness always seems to set in when it shouldn’t: when you’re actually with other people. But obviously you’ve been able to move past it if you’re still down there.

    I’m moving to Bs.As. at the end of this summer (or winter, digamos). I’m looking forward to the joys and challenges and adventures of traveling again, but not to the loneliness. I know it’s going to set in sooner or later. Reading blogs like this one help to remind me that it’s normal and eventually I’ll get over it. Keep the posts comin’.

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